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That does help some! Thank you! Now, as far as insecurity and doubt, were you insecure to the point of doubting the relationship would last at all in any of those friendships? Like, if you did doubt them, do you think the other person began to doubt the relationship too, and that's why it ended? Doubt is a main problem with the friends in my case, and I'm trying to figure out how to explain it to them. Thank you so much for being honest!!

With Carissa I did think that she didn’t really like me anymore but then we hung out and everything seemed fine, but afterwards when I tried to reach out to her, she told me that we were never friends so that just hurt because no one really liked her at work so I took it upon myself to befriend her and try to get others to as well.

With Sabrina it got to a point that we weren’t as close and I thought she didn’t want to be friends anymore and then guess what? We weren’t.

With Rachel I never doubted it. I honestly didn’t think we would ever stop being friends. Sometimes I still have hope, but that’s just my personality.

With Cheyenne, it was more of I was doubting myself which in turn made me doubt her intentions.

You have to just evaluate the situation and see if it’s you doubting yourself, or you feel they aren’t interested anymore. Every situation is different. Anymore questions?

Interesting. I have a few friends going through something similar, and if it's ok I want to ask you some questions. They aren't doing anything but blaming each other and I need to know if what I'm thinking is right. So did your other friends know about your insecurity in relationships after you and Rachel ended? If so, do you think the insecurity is what pushed them away? Or do you think they doubted the friendship because you doubted it?

Ok so I’ll just tell you the full story. There was me and Rachel, bffltlyoarmsdm’s (instead of BFF). That ended because we both fought all the time but even though we fought I didn’t really think we’d stop being friends because we’d been through so much with each other and it was kind of a shock. Then it did end and I was like ok..what now? So then I was going through a lot personally and became close to one of my then managers, Cheyenne. And we were best friends for a while, but once school started back we started fighting a bunch because I got into alcohol and was drinking pretty much every night and weekend for months. Eventually we stopped being close and honestly, that was almost completely my fault that that friendship ended. I said so many mean things to her and put her through hell. But in about September I became really close with two other crew members at where I worked, Sabrina and Carissa. I was closer with Sabrina, but me and Carissa still talked pretty much every day for a while. During this time I lost Kasey as a friend, which was really hard on me because she had been my most stable friend. But we are friends again which I’m so happy about (so sometimes reaching out means a happy ending). Anyways I told Carissa something in confidence because I thought she had the right to know because it would effect her personally and it concerned someone getting fired. And then when they did finally get fired, Sabrina asked me if I knew anything and I said no because at this point I didn’t work there and I was protecting someone else. Anyways Carissa told everyone that I knew and it was partly my fault that person got fired (so was not). Sabrina and everyone else that worked there stopped being my friend all at once. It didn’t bother me too much about everyone else, but I thought me and Sabrina were closer than that for one little thing to just make her hate me. But I was wrong.

I don’t know if that answered any of your questions, so if you have more feel free to ask!

Have you ever taken something for granted and lost it, even though you never thought that would happen?

My friendship with Rachel. I pretty much thought we would be best friends no matter what but I was wrong. After that I lost other friends but after what happened with Rachel it didn’t really shock me that best friends could just leave.

(This is not me saying it was her fault. Equal fault should be given to us both.)

Happy for days. Seven month’s worth to be precise.
I just really love my boyfriend a whole freaking lot.